Talking Plane Disaster

Well, once I heard some people say, “If you gotta travel
There’s just one way, you gotta leave the ground, gotta go
Through the air, gotta find a pilot and pay your fare
You gotta sail through the sky in other words, you gotta fly”

Yes, statistics show it’s the way to go
Well, it’s safer than your car, you know
It’s safer than your home, safer than your street
About the safes place to put your feet
Statistics don’t lie, but statistics don’t die, either

Well, once I heard Bob Dylan say
You gotta take a train, it’s the only way
Well, nothin’ ever happens to trains at all
There was just one accident he could recall
A plane crashed into it
People flying in all directions, then

One day when the sky was blue
I boarded a plane and off we flew
Looked out the window, insurance in my hand
Just like Columbus searching searching for land
Swearin’ I’d never fly again, just like the last time

Then one of the stewardesses ambled by
And suddenly I wasn’t afraid to die
She brought me coffee, pillows and tea
Said, “You’re as safe as you can be”
Said there’s nothing to worry about
Then she flew out the door
Somebody forgot to close right

The plane kept going higher and higher
I could swear both the wings were on fire
So I opened the cockpit door
And the pilot was layin’ on the floor
With the other stewardess
She said, “Fly now and pay later”

Then the plane dropped down about a mile or two
She lurched about, I swore I was through
My stomach was heavin’ it was tied in a knot
Little paper bag was all I got
That’s the bag I’m in, pilot said we hit an air pocket
Must’ve been a pocket with an awful big hole in it

Well, at last the trip was near the end
The airport was comin’ round the bend
But all my anxious eyes could see
Was a thousand planes in the vicinity
They was landin’ and leavin’ and wavin’ at each other

Wing to win and brother to brother
The pilot was swearin’ and swervin’ around
But he said, “Don’t worry, we have
Radar somewhere on the ground”
I wasn’t worried I was crawlin’ up the aisle
Screamin’, “Jesus Saves”

The trip didn’t do me too much harm
But I did spend a year on the happy-farm
They couldn’t understand why I kissed the ground
Chewed the concrete and swallowed it down
Sure tasted good like La Guardia dirt should

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